This is The Colbert Report! And these are The Roots!
Bitter Poll: Tonight, are candidates condescending to working class voters? No, but it is soooooo cute that you think that.
The Wørd: Tradition
Thrilla in Phila: Then, I take a tour of Philadelphia, because every Philly needs a stud.
Obama Woman: Plus Michelle Obama makes her first late night appearance on my show. Yes We Can! Book Michelle Obama!
In closing: Please rise for ‘The Roots’ [The Roots bust out with a rocktastic “Star-Spangled Banner”]
- But it does prove he’s the candidate of hope. He certainly gave hope to Hillary Clinton’s campaign.
- Now, folks, personally I love being condescended to. And so do the wonderful people of Pennsylvania! Whoo! Go Sixers, Flyers, Phillies and Eagles! Whoo!!
- Dick Cheney has a similar story, onlyt it ends with him shooting his father in the face. [Department of Justice Said It Was Okay.]
- My problem is not that Senator Obama condescended, it’s that he did it the wrong way. This is how you do it: Sucking down pizza, raising the roof, eating Huckaburgers and shaving old men. That gives voters like me a sense that the candidates are just like me. [Stephen Shaves Old Men]
- Stephen Pandering To Opera Buffs?
- Nation, in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed here in Philadelphia. In 1787, the Constitution was adopted here. Then absolultely nothing happened until I arrived.
- And of course, no trip to Philadelphia is complete without running the Rocky steps. Or maybe it is.
- Little help …
- Can I lick it?
- I’m asking you, from one man who loves America to another man who loves America, I’m asking you, let me tongue the crack of Liberty.
- But there was still Indepence Hall, where I was determined to touch something Founding Fatherey.
- Nice hat.
- That man had a big old behind. Look at that think. He had some Colonial junk in his Founding Father trunk.
- From the Michelle Obama interview:
- Stephen: Big story this week, everybody knows you and your husband are “elitists.” Tell me about your elite upbringing on the south side of Chicago. How many silver spoons in your mouth? Michelle: We had four spoons. And then my father got a raise at the plant and we got five spoons. Stephen: That sounds posh.
- Stephen: I hope I’m not out of place by saying this, but you’re a very good looking lady. Michelle: Well, thank you, Stephen. Stephen: Do you think your husband will be Okay with me having said that? Michelle: You know, he might be a little ruffled ….Stephen: Ruffled enough to come on my show and try to punch me? Because that would still be a booking that I would win. Michelle: Well maybe if you sang to me, it would make him a little bit jealous. Stephen: L is for the way you look at me, O … Michelle: He has a better voice, I’m sorry.
- Editor’s Note: At this point in viewing the show, my husband looked at the TV and said, “Wow, she is kind of a b*tch.” I gotta admit, she kinda lost me at that moment.
- Stephen: He has a better voice? All right. I blew it out last night singing with John Legend.
- Stephen: Speaking of living with you, let me ask you. Do you ever get tired of the campaign slogans? I mean, when he comes home, do you ever say, You know what, right now, you’re my husband, and I “hope” that you will “change” the cat litter?
- Stephen: Speaking of changing the face of America, let’s talk about the average, ordinary people out there. We have been having school kids send in drawings of the candidates. We have a bunch of them up on the map in basically the area … Michelle: I see ears. Stephen: Yes. I think that many children think your husband’s head has handles.
- Editor’s Note: Loved the ‘Good Times’ Obama!!
Fangirl Suit Report: Black suit, Slightly gray tinged shirt with barrel cuffs, black silk tie with gray box pattern.
More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s shiny new Colbert Report website
- Intro – 4/15/08 – Are candidates condescending to working class voters? No, but it is so cute that you think that.
- Nice Roomba – Benjamin Franklin is curious about a modern-day invention.
- The Word – Tradition – Senator Clinton is not an elitist. She respects the American people — unless they want Obama.
- Independence Park – Stephen tours Independence Park in hopes of tonguing the crack of Liberty.
- Interview – Michelle Obama – Stephen tries to make Barack Obama jealous by singing to Michelle Obama.
- The Roots – The Roots perform the Star Spangled Banner.