No Fact Zone

Hey Obama, try plagiarizing this! This is The Colbert Report!

Politics of Smear: “Barack Obama’s caught up in an embarrassing photo scandal. Evidentially he posed naked as Marilyn Monroe in New York Magazine.”

• Barack Obama is a terrorist?

The Wørd: Good Bad Journalism

I’d Like To Spank The Academy: “Who went home with Oscar Gold? Not the statue, the infamous Hollywood gigolo.”

• The Oscars that are Destroying America

Roots Revival: “And my guest, Henry Louis Gates, Jr., traces the lineage of prominent African-Americans. But when I suggest keeping tabs on black people, they call me a racist.

In closing: Well that’s it for the show everybody. Tonight, instead of counting sheep, count Joe Biden’s. Oh, does it work!

NOTABLE MOMENTS

• Welcome to the show, ladies, gentlemen, woman/man. I get a lot of offers here.
• Obama is a terrorist. That’s the only possible explanation for him wearing this outfit. Unless he’s a waiter in a Middle-Eastern restaurant, or an extra in Disney’s Aladdin on Ice, or some teenagers TP’d him.
• That is terrible. Jimmy, put that up again.
• …and his followers would strap dynamite to themselves if he asked.
• He’s a terrorist, and he lacks the experience to fight terrorists.
• Matt Drudge, seen here in the traditional costume of a ’40s gumshoe.
• Where do they get this stuff? In this case, from Matt Drudge, who said he got the photo from the Clinton campaign.
• Obama’s people have called leaking the photo, “shameful, offensive fear-mongering.” Exactly what you’d expect a terrorist to say. Maybe with an accent.
• She is right, it’s not divisive. It brings the nation together in the belief that Obama is a terrorist.
• She’s the Washington Generals of Presidential politics. But that does not make Barack Obama the Harlem Globetrotters. That, that would be racist.
• “The Kitchen Sink Strategy”: …to make Barack Obama’s kitchen sink look like a terrorist.
• Shame on you, Barack Obama, for stealing other peoples’ words. You’re gonna regret it. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. Mr. Obama, tear down this wall. I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore! Nobody, nobody, nobody puts baby in a corner. Senator Obama, you’re no Jack Kennedy. And wouldn’t you like to be a pepper, too? Where’s the beef? Shazam!
• A female telecom lobbyist, and professional Cindy McCain impersonator.
• Shame on you, not for printing innuendo, speculation, and anonymous sources. [And That's Just The Crossword]
• I have seen catchier titles on physics dissertations. ["How To Get Longer-Lasting, Firmer Electrons"]
• You need something punchy, that simply says “McCain” and “Sex”. “Straight Boink Express”]
• The word “sex” isn’t anywhere in this article, it’s just implied. [By The Word "Senator"]
• As a red-blooded man, when I’m with a beautiful lady, I don’t “imply” things all night long. And I certainly don’t “vaguely suggest” things, from behind. [The Old Innuendo And Out]
• Take the rumors that swirl around Barack Obama, like a, like a turban around a terrorist’s head.
• A single, unsubstantiated rumor is meaningless, but add them all up, and they’re true. [Just Ask Richards Gere's Gerbil]
• Sex scandals are so passe. If you need to allege something, try murder
• What’s brilliant, is that you can interpret it in two ways. Either, the mystery is why such a successful man took his own life, why, for that matter, does anyone in the prime of life choose to quit this mortal coil, and succumb to the numbing grief and despair that touches all of us in this veil of tears. Or, Hillary Clinton stabbed him in the head with an ice pick. [CSI: Fox News]
• If bad journalism is good enough, it can be done in a sonnet. [Brevity Is The Soul of Libel]
• Or, better yet, a limerick. Like, uhh, There once was a man named McCain/Who had the whole White House to gain/But he was quite a hobbyist/Of boning his lobbyist/So much for his ’08 Campaign. [Says Anonymous Source From Nantucket]
• Folks, the Academy Awards were last weekend, so it’s time to roll out the white carpet. Yes, white. But don’t worry, it will be red by the time I’m done with it. Oh, there will be blood.
• Though I did like this year’s host. Ellen Degeneres has never looked more radiant. She really rocked that pantsuit. Though is it just me, or is Ellen looking a little hippy?
• No! No awards are the only measure of human worth. If he hadn’t won the 2003 Nobel prize for physics, would Tiger Beat have made a poster of Alexei Alexeyevich Abrikosov? Oh, Alexei … superconductors *and* super fluids. Look it up.
• Still, you cannot blame Tilda Swinton for not knowing protocol, after all, she’s not from around here. She’s from a future earth where the sun has been extinguished and abino humankind lives underground, their only source of energy the charged particles emitting from their iridescent hair.
• Oh really? Not possible? You must not have read my romantic comedy, “When Harry Waterboarded Sally.” And guess what? Meg Ryan’s already signed on.
• I don’t know if you ever watch PBS, but that’s a lightening round.
• By the way, you said Big Negro, and your website is TheRoot.com, and I put those two terms in Google together today, and I was alarmed by what came up. Don’t do it.
• People tell me I’m white, and I believe them because I have a late night talk show.
• Perhaps we can find out if I’m blacker than Barack Obama.
• What part of my body do I yank that from?

• Intro: Obama is caught up in an embarrasing photo scandal – he posed naked as Marilyn Monroe in New York Magazine.
• Obama’s Photo: This photo is not devisive – it brings the nation together in the belief that Obama is a terrorist.
• The Word: Good Bad Journalism: Stephen proves that good bad journalism can be done in a sonnet or limerick.
• Oscars Destroying America: Stephen liked this year’s Oscar host – Ellen Degeneres has never looked more radiant.
• Interview – Henry Louis Gates, Jr.: Henry Louis Gates, Jr. is going to test Stephen’s DNA to find out if he’s blacker than Obama.

• Episode 4070 (05/29/2008)
• Episode 4069 (05/28/2008)
• Episode 4067 (05/15/2008)
• Episode 4066 (5/14/08)