Jul
26
Episode 3096 (7/26/2007)
By
“Hey, semi-colon; comma or colon, pick a side, we’re at war! This is The Colbert Report!”
Hemp My Farm: Tonight! North Dakota seeks to legalize hemp farming. The corn won’t be the only thing as high as an elephant’s eye.
- Stephen Colbert’s Broken Wrist
- Hemp farmers
Special Guest: Aaron Houston – Marijuana Lobbyist (Marijuana Policy Project)
Katmandon’t: Then, a Nepalese goddess is stripped of her title. That’s Ok, I’ve got a new God for them – God!
- More about Stephen’s wrist
- Kumaris
- Advice to the Gods
The Shrum of all Fears: “Plus, I sit down with Democratic political strategiest Bob Shrum. I’ll ask him if he advised Kerry to flip or to flop.”
- Bob Shrum – Political strategist
Guest Plug:
In closing: Well folks, that is all we have time for [wags extra arm]. Good night!
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- For more information about Stephen Colbert’s wrist injury, please visit this post:
“The Truth Behind Stephen Colbert’s Broken Wrist: Injury on the set of The Colbert Report” - “We’re #1″ hand
- I love my mobs.
- I didn’t want to draw attention to it, it’s not my style, I didn’t want to draw any attention to it … ow …
- This broken wrist has put me in a bit of an awkward position because of my Wall Street Journal editorial excoriating people wearing casts as “bone-coddling crybabies.”
- It might have been last weekend when I broke up that gay wedding. That did lead to a fairly vicious slap fight.
- Jimmy, can we see that again, and this time bring up my mike, I want to hear what I was saying. “Whoo! This is going to be a great show! Whoo! Great show! Everybody get up for the show tonight! Whoo! What a great audience! Whoo! It’s gonna be the Colbert Nat…. Oh my God! Oooh, I’ve hurt my wrist very badly. Oh please, no one post this on YouTube!”
- Editor’s note: I just can’t watch that video without cringing. Editors Note II: Colboarder Amaturus suggests that the whole use of Beyonce music has something to do with the fall Beyonce took on stage July 24th.
- On review, that might have been it.
- Doesn’t matter where I got it .. I know a guy …
- I didn’t want to spend this much time on … Where’s my watch? Oh s#@t. That is gonna chafe.
- Nipple. Any giggles from behind the couch? No? Good, we’re alone.
- Thomas Jefferson grew hemp, which explains this little-known passage in the Declaration of Independence: “Governments are like, instituted among men, Oh my God I’m so high, deriving their just powers from the consent of the do you think people can tell I’m high right now? of the governed.”
- It wasn’t starvation that made the Donner party eat each other, it was the munchies.
- They gave out licenses to weed. But what can you expect from a Leftie president who wore a cape? Thought he was the Penguin.
- I’m sure if they rolled a real monster fatty, they would catch some sort of buzz.
- Are you high right now? [busts out Doritos - busts out marshmallow fluff - dips Dorito in marshmallow fluff]
- How did you have three kids? I thought Marijuana lowered sperm count.
- Are you saying it’s time for the Federal government to wake and bake?
- The Sitar theme
- If you’re just joining us, I recently shattered my wrist bone by, let’s say, finding illegal aliens on our southern border.
- In lieu of flowers, you can just send donations to … you know what? To hell with that, I would love some flowers.
- Editor’s Note: He’s going to get a thousand bouquets of flowers tomorrow.
- Nepal … look at that flag. We already know they think they’re too good for rectangles.
- There called Kumaris, and they’re basically Hindu/Buddhist Olsen Twins.
- Because people who share their yerts with yaks think that we’re unclean.
- Well I refuse to take guff from a country whose primary industry is carrying.
- Where do these Temple elders get the hubris to tell a goddess what to do? Mortals don’t boss a God around.
- When was the last time Nepal had a plague, other than American college sophomores trying to find themselves?
- Boils, locusts, I’m just saying don’t be afraid to get a little smitey.
- You’re a 10 year old girl, turn one of those yaks into Hannah Montana.
- Quetzalcoatl – Less snake, more bird
- The nurse crossover – with the gratuitous chest look
- I don’t want to refight a fight that your side lost the last time.
- Or maybe there were elves in the voting machines.
If you’re going to send flowers to Stephen Colbert (due to his wrist injury) as he mentioned on this show, may I recommend this bouquet-
Colbert Report Studio Address:
513 W 54th St
New York, NY 10019
Fangirl Suit Report: Cornflower blue suit, Pale plum shirt with barrel cuffs, Cornflower blue tie with grid pattern.
Videos coming soon!
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