“How many times do I have to tell you, ‘This is The Colbert Report!’ One more? Fine. This is The Colbert Report!”
Stand By Your Name: “Tonight, Hillary Clinton is dropping ‘Rodham’ from her name. Now if only she’d drop ‘Presidential’ and ‘Candidate’.”
- The attack on the Pope
The Wørd: Rodham
Mr. Smith Comes From Washington: “And I talk with Washington’s 9th representative, Adam Smith. He looks terrific for a 280-year old economist.”
- Better Know a District – Rep. Adam Smith (D-Wash.)
I Am Roman, Hear Me Roar: “Plus, author Cullen Murphy wonders if America is like the Roman empire. If it is, somebody owes me a Bacchanalian orgy.”
- Cullen Murphy – Author, “Are We Rome?”
In closing: Well citizens, that’s all the time we have for our triumphal procession. To the vomitorium!
- Editors Note: Did anyone see the Ask.com commercial with all the women with swords? HAHAHA!
- As you all know, I’m huge in the Catholic community. I’m not saying I’m bigger than Jesus. But it’s fair to say I’m bigger than some of the Minor saints. I mean, St. Hubert of Liege? The guy is the patron saint of dog bites. How hard is it to buy some Neosporin?
- I’m kind of like the Pope’s pope.
- Oh, wait, that’s actually a member of the pope’s Swiss Guard, in his customary Swiss Camo gear. If he stands in front of a circus tent, he disappears.
- Hey, your holiness! I got chocolate on my hands, I’m going to wipe ’em on ya! I got chocolate on my hands! Ooow! He looks like a big napkin! HE LOOKS LIKE A BIG NAPKIN!
- Kinda does look like a big napkin. And I’m guessing it has antibacterial properties.
- Now, Hillary’s name changes have been news for years, all over the media – from Fox News, Fox & Friends, to Fox News: The Big Story, Even Fox News: Red Eye.
- That graphic right there says it all. Which Hillary is she? If she’s not an insincere political chameleon, then why is it so easy to show four different pictures of her?
- As in Rodham Hillary Rodham Clinton Rodham. A meticulously focus-groupped flip-flopper who will do anything to be elected president. [Hillary ’08 I’ll Eat A Bug] You don’t see the other 17 presidential candidates dropping their maiden names. [And Obama’s Is “Hussein”.]
- Chris hasn’t been this excited since he saw diamond earrings on a potato. Hello ….
- Well played, Nancy. You won this round on health care.
- If that is what he was wearing, I’ll never know. [Whatever It Was, You Know He “Worked” It]
- Or maybe Rudy Guiliani has been married three times. How about a story about how he hasn’t changed his name? [To “Sept. 11”]
- I can’t decide whether the burgers are better from Dick’s Drive-in or the Pick Quick. I’m already past my deadline on my new book coming out this fall, “The Colbert Guide to the Top Restaurants of Fife, Washington.” I really should have picked a town with more than 5000 people before I promised my publisher 300 pages.
- The beautiful valleys of the ninth were carved thousands of years ago by enormous slow-moving glaciers. But thanks to global warming, we’ll soon have our revenge. Glaciers, do not f@#k with the U.S. of A. You hear that? We’re coming for you, icecaps!
- Famous residents of the district include famous ‘American Idol’ contestant, Sanjaya Malakar. If you would like for us to never make reference to him again, dial 1-866-436-5703 and text the word “ENOUGH”.
- What is rhubarb?
- What do you remember about UNICEF?
- And how about NAMBLA, have you supported them?
- I can see that this topic is not as uncomfortable as I’d like it to be. Let’s move on.
- You will not confirm or deny the existance of military shrink rays?
- Editor’s note: I just had to add in the following line, as you were all thinking about this episode with a certain blast from the past/future. -TLE
- So you’re willing to admit that the United States does not have time travel?
- This is a fascinating interview for you. I’m so glad I could bring you some information about yourself.
- What are some of the soccer caucus’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALS?
- Man, that BKAD *rocked!* I thought Bobby was going to have to come out and administer the Heimlich when he got tickled there at the end of BKAD, though.
- Gladiator outfit! That apparently is hard to sit in! And the sound totally sucks – where’s the mic?
- Ok, seriously, I just can’t get past that outfit! Even more distracting than the pink tie! And the eagle on the breastplate and red and white stripe cape? How adorable!
- And the Latin! Oh, the Latin! Love me some Latin.
- Why do I keep looking for his knees?
- Oh my Gosh, that hair and outfit is just the cutest thing ever ever ever. What’s the interview about again?
- I’m so sorry, the episode guide for this interview is totally useless, I just can’t get past the costume and the Latin. Plus I’m still a little loopy.
Fangirl Suit Report: Dark navy suit, Bubble gum pink pinstriped shirt, Bubble gum pink tie that is so friggin’ distracting! Seriously! It reminds me of the Bubble Gum ice cream from Baskin-Robbins. Seriously bright pink.
Oh, and the gladiator outfit!
Full set of screencaps at WonkyEar.com
Cullen Murphy: See what all the Gladiator fuss is about right here.
More videos Coming Soon!