Episode 3076 (6/7/2007)

“How many times do I have to tell you, ‘This is The Colbert Report!’ One more? Fine. This is The Colbert Report!”

Stand By Your Name: “Tonight, Hillary Clinton is dropping ‘Rodham’ from her name. Now if only she’d drop ‘Presidential’ and ‘Candidate’.”

  • The attack on the Pope

The Wørd: Rodham

Mr. Smith Comes From Washington: “And I talk with Washington’s 9th representative, Adam Smith. He looks terrific for a 280-year old economist.”

  • Better Know a District – Rep. Adam Smith (D-Wash.)

I Am Roman, Hear Me Roar: “Plus, author Cullen Murphy wonders if America is like the Roman empire. If it is, somebody owes me a Bacchanalian orgy.”

  • Cullen Murphy – Author, “Are We Rome?”

Guest plug:

In closing: Well citizens, that’s all the time we have for our triumphal procession. To the vomitorium!


  • Editors Note: Did anyone see the Ask.com commercial with all the women with swords? HAHAHA!
  • As you all know, I’m huge in the Catholic community. I’m not saying I’m bigger than Jesus. But it’s fair to say I’m bigger than some of the Minor saints. I mean, St. Hubert of Liege? The guy is the patron saint of dog bites. How hard is it to buy some Neosporin?
  • I’m kind of like the Pope’s pope.
  • Oh, wait, that’s actually a member of the pope’s Swiss Guard, in his customary Swiss Camo gear. If he stands in front of a circus tent, he disappears.
  • Hey, your holiness! I got chocolate on my hands, I’m going to wipe ’em on ya! I got chocolate on my hands! Ooow! He looks like a big napkin! HE LOOKS LIKE A BIG NAPKIN!
  • Kinda does look like a big napkin. And I’m guessing it has antibacterial properties.
  • Now, Hillary’s name changes have been news for years, all over the media – from Fox News, Fox & Friends, to Fox News: The Big Story, Even Fox News: Red Eye.
  • That graphic right there says it all. Which Hillary is she? If she’s not an insincere political chameleon, then why is it so easy to show four different pictures of her?
  • As in Rodham Hillary Rodham Clinton Rodham. A meticulously focus-groupped flip-flopper who will do anything to be elected president. [Hillary ’08 I’ll Eat A Bug] You don’t see the other 17 presidential candidates dropping their maiden names. [And Obama’s Is “Hussein”.]
  • Chris hasn’t been this excited since he saw diamond earrings on a potato. Hello ….
  • Well played, Nancy. You won this round on health care.
  • If that is what he was wearing, I’ll never know. [Whatever It Was, You Know He “Worked” It]
  • Or maybe Rudy Guiliani has been married three times. How about a story about how he hasn’t changed his name? [To “Sept. 11”]
  • I can’t decide whether the burgers are better from Dick’s Drive-in or the Pick Quick. I’m already past my deadline on my new book coming out this fall, “The Colbert Guide to the Top Restaurants of Fife, Washington.” I really should have picked a town with more than 5000 people before I promised my publisher 300 pages.
  • The beautiful valleys of the ninth were carved thousands of years ago by enormous slow-moving glaciers. But thanks to global warming, we’ll soon have our revenge. Glaciers, do not f@#k with the U.S. of A. You hear that? We’re coming for you, icecaps!
  • Famous residents of the district include famous ‘American Idol’ contestant, Sanjaya Malakar. If you would like for us to never make reference to him again, dial 1-866-436-5703 and text the word “ENOUGH”.
  • What is rhubarb?
  • What do you remember about UNICEF?
  • And how about NAMBLA, have you supported them?
  • I can see that this topic is not as uncomfortable as I’d like it to be. Let’s move on.
  • You will not confirm or deny the existance of military shrink rays?
  • Editor’s note: I just had to add in the following line, as you were all thinking about this episode with a certain blast from the past/future. -TLE
  • So you’re willing to admit that the United States does not have time travel?
  • This is a fascinating interview for you. I’m so glad I could bring you some information about yourself.
  • What are some of the soccer caucus’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALS?
  • Man, that BKAD *rocked!* I thought Bobby was going to have to come out and administer the Heimlich when he got tickled there at the end of BKAD, though.
  • Gladiator outfit! That apparently is hard to sit in! And the sound totally sucks – where’s the mic?
  • Ok, seriously, I just can’t get past that outfit! Even more distracting than the pink tie! And the eagle on the breastplate and red and white stripe cape? How adorable!
  • And the Latin! Oh, the Latin! Love me some Latin.
  • Why do I keep looking for his knees?
  • Oh my Gosh, that hair and outfit is just the cutest thing ever ever ever. What’s the interview about again?
  • I’m so sorry, the episode guide for this interview is totally useless, I just can’t get past the costume and the Latin. Plus I’m still a little loopy.

Fangirl Suit Report: Dark navy suit, Bubble gum pink pinstriped shirt, Bubble gum pink tie that is so friggin’ distracting! Seriously! It reminds me of the Bubble Gum ice cream from Baskin-Robbins. Seriously bright pink.

Oh, and the gladiator outfit!

Full set of screencaps at WonkyEar.com


Cullen Murphy: See what all the Gladiator fuss is about right here.

More videos Coming Soon!


  1. One of the best yet. My god, the gladiator costume, speaking Latin and a hilarious BKAD. Wow.

    I took Latin in high school, but I didn’t catch any of that.

  2. I got to the Traditional Latin Mass every Sunday and I only caught a word or two myself.

  3. TheLakeEffect says:

    If only there was a Gaul for him to dispatch.

  4. Ms Interpreted says:

    I love how Stephen has made argumentum ad ignorantiam (“arguing from ignorance”) into an art form. And I love even more that he’s so wickedly *smart* in the way he does it.

    And . . . Gladiator outfit! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  5. Wow, that was one of the funniest BKADs ever… “I can see that this topic is not as uncomfortable as I’d like it to be. Let’s move on.” (when Smith did, in fact, know what NAMBLA was)

  6. Murasaki says:

    Was that the same gladiator costume he wore in Exit 57? I wonder what other types of relics from previous venues he’s saved….

  7. Ok, after a little research I found a phrase:”De gustibus non est disputandum” which I also found in other places with the words in different orders. The phrase literally means “there is not to be a discussion regarding tastes” or more colloquially, “There’s no accounting for taste.”

    So Stephen said Salve (hello, greetings), Delenda est (must be destroyed) and the phrasing above.

    I am impressed, the only thing I remember from Latin is Salve and that puella means girl. I would remember more if the nun didn’t kick me out.

  8. “Oh my Gosh, that hair and outfit is just the cutest thing ever ever ever. What’s the interview about again? I’m so sorry, the episode guide for this interview is totally useless, I just can’t get past the costume and the Latin.

    I couldn’t get past the costume, either. I have no idea what the interview was about because I was busy picking myself up off the floor for most of it. BTW, I’m no expert, but I think that’s more of a centurion’s outfit than a gladiator’s outfit.

    I didn’t catch the Latin, either, apart from “salve,” but then I don’t think church Latin is much help here. Especially if I can’t focus on anything besides the costume.

  9. TheLakeEffect says:

    You are correct in that it’s not really a gladiator’s outfit.

    Next time he should put on a laurel wreath to signify his successful nailing of a guest. Excelsior!

  10. HA HA! It’s a great look for him, esp. the hair! Also love the swipe at Bush becoming an emperor. Today they’d just use rigged Diebold voting machines rather than dissolving the Senate. ;D

  11. TheLakeEffect says:

    Oh, if only Myron Reducto or Future Stephen made a guest appearance…

  12. AlaskaRavenclaw says:

    Lucky he had the costume, because interview-wise, I’m afraid that was the sharpest guest our boy has ever faced. Stephen got nailed.

  13. croatian fan says:

    The phrase “delenda est” comes from Cato the Elder who ended many speeches with a version of “carthago delenda est” which mean carthage(romes greatest enemy at the time), must be destroyed thus Colbert paralleled that with “irano delenda est.” The costume was brilliant!

  14. EvilDevil says:

    I really think is a centurion or a general outfit… and with a laurel in his head and we have a new american emperor… better him than bush…

  15. EvilDevil says:

    did anyone noticed that his haircut is different? it almost gives him that roman look… and i also noticed that eagle figure in his armour/chest

  16. Murasaki says:

    And his cape looked like the flag.

    BTW, I was wrong before.

  17. I was hanging with Vergil in the vomitorium after the show. He was all like, “Arma gladiatoris virumque victorem cano….”

    And I was like, “Sic.”

  18. If I remember correctly, the music that played in the background while Stephen began his walk is from Ben-Hur, from the scene where the race in Circus Maximus was beginning.

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