“Hey Transformers, robots or cars? We’re at war. Pick a side! This is The Colbert Report!”
Shout Out!: USS Rhode Island
War and Puh-lease: “Hillary Clinton wants to repeal the president’s authorization for the war on Iraq. As if the president needs authorization.”
The WØRD: Rendered Moot
- 5) Oprah
4) Publicists
3) Austrians
2) Spiders
1) Knut
Nope-rah: “Oprah picks a presidential candidate and surprise, it’s not Gayle!”
Schrodinger’s Swan: “‘My guest Nassim Nicholas Taleb has written a new book on the power of randomness. Firetruck roastbeef jackhammer.”
Guest plug:
In Closing:“That’s it for the Report everybody. Have a good night. We’ll see you tommorrow.”
NOTABLE MOMENTS
- *Premature SHOUT OUT!*
- Great news everybody! I have the bomb! Probably.
- Anywhere my poster goes, I go in spirit and these sailors treated me to the full tour. The torpedo tubes, the control room, and the galley where they cook up their delicious, I’m going to say “sponges.”
- And in return I am proud to name the Rhode Island the official ballistic nuclear submarine of the Colbert Report. This makes the Colbert Report one of two cable news shows that have the bomb. The other one of course is Hannity and Colmes
- Sure. It could be a decoy. But do my enemies really want to take that chance? Barry Manilow?
- That’s the key. The nuclear key.
- It is fun to say “President Huckabee.” You just can’t say that without smiling.
- Clinton’s refusal to admit her mistake is her most presidential attribute.
- When I first heard the phrase “Rendered Moot,” I got pretty hungry. I thought it sounded like some kind of delicious clarified animal fat.
- Oprah is a communist. She believes in redistributing wealth.
- Paris Hilton does not know what work is
- If they want a monkey to earn donations, they should do it the old-fashioned way. Make him dance for it.
- The Chimp-huggers, or “Chimp-pansies” – copyright.
- Drowney – copyright 2006, Stephen Colbert!
- Just imagine a 1300 lb. Corey Feldman with sharp teeth and claws. Try denying him entry to the Viper Room.
Tasteful Gentleman Suit Report: Black suit with pinstripes. Off-white shirt, stick cuffs. Magenta, maroon, and orchid striped tie.
War & Puh-lease: Hillary Clinton wants to repeal the President’s authorization for the Iraq war. As if he needs authorization.
Shout Out – USS Rhode Island: Now Stephen has his own nuclear-powered submarine – the USS Rhode Island.
Rendered Moot: Hillary Clinton wants to de-authorize the original authorization for the war.
Threat Down – Oprah: Oprah supports Obama. No other candidate can withstand the hive mind of Oprah’s housewife army.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb: Nassim Nicholas Taleb believes we create stories to convince ourselves that the future is predictable.
thank you for doing this website!! thanks to finding you, i know the ‘randomness’ intro including roast beef (which was all i could recall) was actually ‘firetruck roast beef jackhammer’. as a mocker of spam, this one really got to me. thanks for posting it =)
Shout Out (Hey!):
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