“Don’t watch this show if you’re in jail right now, because the truth will set you free. This is The Colbert Report!”

To Surge With Love: Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Condoleeza Rice

The Wørd: Victory!

The Dow of Stephen: Stephen’s Bears and Balls

Nip/Talk: Alex Kuczynski, Author – “Beauty Junkies”

Guest Plug:

In closing: For all you insomniacs, only 8 more excruciating hours until work.

NOTABLE MOMENTS

  • You know, when I honor Dr. King, it feels like I’m honoring myself. We have so much in common, he and I. We’re both doctors who can’t write prescriptions, we’re both great public speakers, and we’re both white. I assume. I don’t see color. It’s like looking in a mirror.
  • Young America, it is time to go beyond passive resistance to pure passiveness.
  • You have been to the mountaintop, you have seen the promised land, and you have turned up your iPod and started playing your X-Box.
  • In the words of so many young people this morning, I have a Wii.
  • Senator Boxer, why don’t you just wave your big diamond ring and begin every sentence with “Well, my husband says …”
  • Offer stands Madam Secretary.
  • Tell it sister! There’s no bigger feminist than Tony Snow.
  • Got her right in the Thatchers.
  • It was like eating a bag of bleached flour, it stays with you for a while.
  • Eat it, peaceniks!
  • “The Online Dating Doctrine”
  • Bush’s Flightsuit At Cleaners
  • Veni, Vidi, Changey
  • Since I changed my expectation, he [Gipper] has been such a good dog.
  • He just runs around like a maniac yanking investment advice out of his port-holio.
  • Buy gas, as many 10 gallon containers as you can get.

  • You’ll be fine as you don’t smoke, or cook, or invest in flint and steel.
  • Cingular is changing its name to AT&T. It is a crushing blow to those of us who have come to love the Cingular trademark. Whatever the hell that is.
  • In other words, thanks to America’s anti-trust efforts, America has gone from this [AT&T] to this [at&t].
  • u can girl, a chain of stores for the self-empowered female pickler.
  • Should I buy stock in Soy milk? [No! Ask again later! Ask Again Later! Ask Again Later! No! Yes!]
  • They do not skimp on the salt.
  • What did you look like before, were you hideous? Did your face look like a moccasin?
  • Tell me about the time your lip blew up like a yam.
  • Were these good corpses or evil corpses? Do you now feast on human flesh and rule the night?
Fangirl Suit Report: Charcoal gray pinstriped suit, Lavender shirt with barrel cuffs, Purple tie with rounded rectangle pattern.

Full set of screencaps at WonkyEar.com

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