2006 EMMY COVERAGE – Transcript of Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart’s presentation

Here’s the transcript of their presentation, now that the clip is up on YouTube:

Jon: Thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here tonight.

Stephen: Good evening Godless sodomites.

Jon: What are you doing?

Stephen: I’m bringing the Truth, Jon. We’re in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.

Jon: You can’t just … you can’t just read the prompter?

Stephen: I’m reading the prompter in here [points to heart]. You can read that pablum.

Jon: Award show banter is not pablum. [begins reading teleprompter] Reality television celebrates the human condition by illuminating what’s extrordinary in the ordinary world.

Stephen: It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

Jon: The results are often dramatic and often unexpected. We’re here to honor achievement in that category

Stephen: By giving you a golden Idol to worship. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD, BABYLON!

Jon: This is about the Manilow thing, isn’t it?

Stephen: I lost to BARRY MANILOW! BARRY MANILOW! I lost to the Copacabana! Singing and dancing is not performing. Wolverine I could have lost to, he’s got claws for hands! (To Jon) Can I hold one of yours?

Jon: No.


  1. i think your awesome coverage of the Emmy's deserves an Emmy! Thanks for helping us award show haters cut through all the crap.

  2. Is there a reason that Stewart, Colbert and all the writers for their show are not writing for these award shows. They steal every event and show they are on. Oh yeah, they are funny.

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